Satisfaction Guaranteed! Refunds Not Accepted
by Silvel-chan
Summary: Kid Sakura and Akatsuki. Mix these two together and what do you have? Well, looks like you'll have to read to find out!
1. It’s Just a Small Problem

BP: T.T I promise I will eventually stop writing several stories and finish the ones I HAVE started. Till then, you can read this little tid-bit! This was made just for fun. I love it when ideas hit me so hard I can't shake them (sarcasm people. Work with me)!

Disclaimer: I pretty much own nothing. I don't even own my ass. T.T

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**It's Just a Small Problem**

'_This is crazy!'_

Sakura ran further and further away from Konoha, a large, black bag strapped across her chest bounced heavily against her thigh. Her breath came fast as she kept running, urging herself not to look back.

She had met with Tsunade earlier that day about an upcoming mission, but she had never expected it to turn out like THIS.

Her mission had been simple actually. Several members of the Akatsuki had been spotted in a particular area over the past few months and it dawned on Tsunade that that area could possible contain was could only be the Akatsuki's headquarters.

Tsunade then spent weeks in her own private room (which, unfortunately, left Shizune to take over a few of the Hokage's jobs) to work on a secret elixir that was suppose to help in the capture of the S-Class Criminals.

Sakura clutched her hands around a small bottle of pinkish liquid that was tied around her neck. This was it. The magic elixir that would be the solution to all their problems. At least, that's what she hoped.

She slid to a stop as she dropped down to the ground. Un-strapping the bag she set it down carefully. "Tsunade pre-packed this for me…maybe I should just take a peak and see what's in it." Her hand reached for the zipper, but before she could open it she heard voices a few yards away.

Resisting the urge to rush in she made sure to conceal her chakra well before she slinked against the bushes and looked though them. There, not too far away, stood three different Akatsuki members.

'_Those odds aren't in my favor though…' _She though silently. Looking at them closer she couldn't really say she knew who they were. One was a tall, blonde haired…man? She really couldn't tell if said person was a girl or a boy considering their hair was up in a style similar to Ino's. However, even though the persons bangs covered their left eye, she could see a glint of metal instead of the actual body part that was suppose to be there.

The other one was a…plant? That had to be the weirdest thing she had ever seen, and she had seen a lot of things in her life. He had a large, Venus flytrap like plant surrounding his head. And if that wasn't creepy enough, he was split down the middle into two different colors. One black and one white.

The third one seemed to be the most normal of all (of course, being in Akatsuki, how normal could he be?). He had spiky, dark brown hair along with a strange swirling mask. Orange and black…strangely this screamed Naruto in her mind.

"But-but-but!!!! ZETSU-SEMPAI! Deidara-Senpai was trying to shove his little birdies down Tobi's throat! And Tobi was doing nothing but being a good boy like Tobi always is!" The masked one, obviously Tobi, ranted.

'_Well, so much for normal.' _Sakura thought, taking the elixir from around her neck and uncorking it. _'Looks like it's time to see what this baby will do. Maybe it'll make me even stronger, or faster…I can only pray.'_

"Yes, but you're alright now Tobi." The white side of Zetsu said. "_**But in all honesty we couldn't care less about it.**_" The darker side chimed in.

Sakura tipped the bottle against her lips and swallowed it all completely. Soon, a high pitched scream could be heard as the three Akatsuki members became alerted, pulling out their weapons and rushing toward the sound.

**---(Back at Konoha)---**

"Lady Tsunade?" Shizune entered the Hokage's office quietly.

"What do you want, Shizune?" Tsunade sighed heavily, leaning over piles and piles of papers that she had to file though.

"Do you have the elixir for the Ninja Council, Lady Tsunade?"

"Huh? Oh yea. It's right here." Tsunade leaned down and fumbled though a few papers before coming back up with a reddish-black colored elixir. It had been specially designed for those seriously injured ninja that could get away from their enemies. Provided there were no medic-nin around and they were on their last resort, they could take this and it would make them young again. They'd still have their abilities, and being small would make it easier for them to hide and could prove vital for a mission.

"Uh…Lady Tsunade…"

"What is it NOW, Shizune?"

"Well…this is the wrong elixir…" Shizune's voice spoke out.

"What…what do you mean?" Tsunade looked up from a particularly long letter. "What do you mean it's the wrong elixir?"

"Well…when I was able to help you with it I looked over the papers. It said that the elixir should be a pinkish color. Did you place it somewhere else?"

"Pinkish…" Tsunade paused slightly before her eyes widened considerably. "Oh my God…"

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BP: T.T Sorry! That's all for now! Please review and I'll see what I can do about getting another chapter up!


	2. Pink Like Cotton Candy! A Flower? No!

BP: Yay! I got around to updating ANOTHER story! I know what you're thinking…what is WITH this girl?! Why is she coming out of her lazy slump?! Well, I'll tell you why! It's because school is starting soon and I want to enjoy my stories while I can. I'm going to be lost in the haze that is academic learning and I don't want to!

Anyways…I'm sure you don't care about my rambling. Ten to one says you're not even reading this. So I'll go ahead and start the story I guess!

Disclaimer: Come on…do you think I would be writing this stuff? NO! I'd be MAKING it HAPPEN!

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**Pink Like Cotton Candy! A Flower? No, Cotton Candy!**

"What is it Deidara-Sempei? It's pink and fluffy…oh! Is it Cotton Candy! Tobi thinks it's Cotton Candy! Can Tobi eat the Cotton Candy?" The ninja in the swirled mask looked from a lump of spiky pink…_something_, to the blonde haired nin.

"Stuff it, Tobi! Before I stuff you!" Deidara snapped as he clutched his kunai tighter and placed a hand on one of his clay bags. He paused for a second, wondering if he should attack the pink ball or wait for a move. It seemed wrapped up in a red cloth…

"Yes, Tobi…**besides, that thing could always eat you instead**." The plant chuckled slightly, licking his lips. Perhaps what lay before him though, could be his next meal.

"Oh! Tobi wouldn't like it if Cotton Candy ate Tobi!" The boy yelped as Deidara shoved him back till he landed on the ground.

"I said stuff it Tobi!"

"Ack!"

They brave men of Akatsuki…found themselves tumbling back in fear as the pink bush erupted and a small, pale body came with it.

"W-wha…?" Sakura rubbed her eyes, her tiny hands searching for a kunai as she looked at the men before her. Ignoring their bashful faces she finally managed to grip on. "Now I've…I've…" A hand traveled to her throat as she felt the skin, almost as if the problem lay there. Her voice sounded way shriller then it should…and why was the kunai a lot bigger?

Staring down at her body…the naked body of a six year old. She let out an embarrassed scream as she dived once more for her red dress, trying to get it to stay on. What had happened?! What had Tsunade DONE to her?!

"Tobi doesn't understand…"

"The hell, yeah?!"

"**Can I eat her?"**

--

"Lemme go! Lemme go!" Small fist beat on the back of her carrier. She had made them all turn away from her six year old body and wrapped her shirt and skirt around her like a toga. It wouldn't last…but it would do. Though honestly she found it strange for S-Class criminals so have a decent side.

"**Can I eat her now?"**

Yup! She was wrong.

"No, yeah!" Deidara let out a frustrated growl as he tried to hold the wiggling girl on his back still. Tobi kept running a head of them then turning back to run around Deidara and look at Sakura before repeating the process again. "Tobi, stop it! You're making me dizzy, yeah!"

"Aww, but Deidara-Senpei!" Tobi whined as he made another round, coming close enough for Sakura to lash out at his shoulder on accident. The blow had been chakra filled and caused the excited nin to fall back on his butt. "Wow…Tobi thinks Cotton Candy-Chan sure is feisty!" He cheered as he hopped back up in a matter of seconds.

"I am not a Cotton Candy!" Sakura yelled as she banged her first on Deidara's back. If the blow had knocked the weird kid down, why wasn't it doing it to the blond haired freak?! What if…what if she couldn't control her powers! _'Oh come on Sakura…you're six years old and in the hands of Akatsuki. Your powers should be the LEAST of your worries!'_

"Lemme go! Lemme go!" She cried out again as he reached out to try and grab something, only to realize what she grabbed was Tobi's hand.

"Tobi thinks it's nice to meet you, Cotton Candy-Chan! Tobi's Tobi! Deidara's Deidara-Senpei! And the Plant is Tobi's old Senpei, Zetsu-Senpei!"

"Tobi…the introductions are nice…but can you **please shut up**." Zetsu murmured, his voice light at first and then growing deeper.

"Aww…Zetsu-Senpei! Tobi was just being a good boy! Like Tobi always is! Tobi just wanted to introduce his friends to Cotton Candy-Chan.

"I'm…" Okay, Sakura had to admit that Tobi wasn't all that bad. Sure…it may have been just a _little _weird that he talked in third person but hey! If that was the worst of her problems with her then she had a feeling they'd get along just fine! "I'm not Cotton Candy-Chan!" She pouted out again. "My name is Sakura! SA-KU-RA! It's like the Sakura Blossom!"

"Blossom?" Tobi tilted his head in thought as he (well, Sakura_ thought _he was anyway) stared at her. "Nah! You're hair reminds Tobi more of Cotton Candy then it does some stupid flower!"

"Some…stupid…" Sakura started squirming again, her somewhat friendly feelings toward the goofy Akatsuki member now melted away by her anger. "I'll kill you! I'll kill you!" She screamed and squirmed even more when a gloved hand covered her mouth.

"**Will you shut up you little brat! We don't need anymore attention then we've already got! **How much closer to the next base, Deidara?" Zetsu growled.

"Zetsu-Senpei! Tobi thinks you should watch it or you'll smother Cotton Candy-Chan!" Tobi panicked as he tried to get Zetsu's hand off of Sakura's mouth. The small girl was trying to do the same seeing as how the split man's had was big enough to cover her mouth and nose. Oh…the curses of being trapped a six year old.

"Will you two please just up, yeah!" Deidara wasn't sure how many times he'd told both of them to keep quite, but either way it wasn't working and it was ticking him off. He jerked Sakura away and shoved him into Zetsu's arms, making a few quick hand signs. "Just let me get past the genjutsu and we'll be clear, yeah." He growled.

Sakura struggled once more, hoping the plant man was weaker then Deidara. "Lemme go!" Zetsu sighed as he held her tightly, wondering why someone somewhere hated him so much.

It was only a few minutes later (each one filled with Tobi's begging to hold Cotton Candy-Chan) till they were inside and the genjutsu was back in place.

"**Fine, you want to hold the brat then by my guest!" **Zetsu sighed as he shoved the pink haired child into the bouncing Tobi's arms. "We're going to go talk to Pein and see if we should just kill her or what." Zetsu spoke the last part softly, with a hint of hunger in his voice as he bypassed them.

"Zetsu's right, we should find out first. Keep an eye on her Tobi. That's an order, yeah!" The blonde grinned before turning to follow Zetsu, both of them disappearing into the darkness.

"Oh! Cotton Candy-Chan! You're going to have so much fun here! Tobi just knows it!" Tobi shuffled Sakura in his arms as he made his way down the halls, half skipping and half jumping. "And wait till you meet the others! Tobi knows we'll all be fast friends!"

"Ah…Tobi-Kun?" Sakura asked. She decided that if she was going to make it here alive (if the leader agreed to it first…oh PLEASE let him agree to it!), she'd have to start acting her age. Well, not her mental age, but her physical on at least. So if that meant playing innocent to deceive others…then innocent it would be!

"What is it Cotton Candy-Chan?"

"Can you please put me down! I wanna prove I'm a big girl and walk there on my own!" She puffed out her tiny chest and held her head high. God how she wished she could stab herself with a Kunai right now. _'Did I…ever really act like this?'_

"Okay! Tobi bets the others will be so impressed to see such a big girl like Cotton Candy-Chan!" Tobi's voice was ripping with enthusiastic rainbows and bishie sparkles. How Sakura knew that she could tell, but she just knew if voices could be seen that's what would be floating out of his mouth. Maybe a few flowers. Oh…wait…he thought flowers were _stupid_. She'd have to get him back for that one.

"Yay! Thank you Tobi-Kun!" Sakura let out a fake giggle of happiness as she followed the masked Akatsuki member.

"Anything for Cotton Candy-Chan! Oh, wait till the others see you! Tobi knows they'll be happy to have Cotton Candy-Chan here to brighten up the place! There's Kisame, he looks like a shark! There's Sasori…he's a puppet man! Tobi thinks that's so cool! But…Sasori says Tobi's not good enough o be a puppet." The boy sniffled as he came to a door. "Oh! We're here already! Get ready, Cotton Candy-Chan!"

Tobi burst open the door. "Everyone! Tobi's here and he has a knew friend! Tobi wants everyone to say hello and be nice to Cotton Candy-Chan!"

Three members looked up from their card game while the lone one in the corner looked away from polishing one of his puppets. Kakuzu grunted as he looked back at the cards. "Go away Tobi, I've got money riding on this game."

"Going crazy, eh Tobi?" Kisame's polite like voice chuckled as he laid down a card. "I know it wouldn't take to long.

Tobi blinked, well, if you could see him you'd know it. He slumped slightly, tiling his head. "Tobi doesn't understand."

"Damn it Tobi, we don't want to play with your fucking imaginary friends." Hidan hissed as he also went back to his cards.

"But Cotton Candy-Chan isn't one of Tobi's imaginary friends! All of Tobi's imaginary friends left Tobi! But Cotton Candy-Chan is right-" He turned quickly to point out the small girl. "There!!" He pointed at an empty spot next to him.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Fucking idiot…"

"COTTON CANDY-CHAN IS GONE!!!"

--

Sakura snickered slightly as she dashed though the halls of the Akatsuki lair. "That was a lot easier then I thought! Now…if I could just figure out how the hell to navigate around here. I just need to find one exit." She pleaded to thin again as she took a few more turns.

She jumped slightly in her run when she heard Tobi scream. Fear ran through her as she wondered whether she was that close to him or if he was just that loud. "I've got…I've got to…make it…" Sakura panted slightly, finding her small legs to be getting tired faster then she thought they would.

"I can…do it!" She gasped for breath. Her small muscles were aching and her little lungs felt as if they were on fire. "Ah! Freedom!" She spotted a small light up coming from one of the rooms. Maybe if she went though it, there'd be a way to the outside! A small, tired smile shown on her face as she made a turn into the room…and ran into something so solid it not only knocked her back, but her little nose felt crushed as well. Holding her hurting snout she looked up at what she had ran into.

"Ah…" Fear. Cold fear ran straight though her veins as her eyes widened at the person in front of her. Never in her life, never, had she had such a feeling of dread wash over her as she looked into those eyes…those bright, piercing eyes.

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**BP: CLIFFHANGER!!! **XD I wasn't sure I was actually going to finish chapter two. I made the fic, but I just couldn't get the inspiration for it ya know? However! I kept getting e-mail alerts! Sure, it wasn't the reviews that I would love to get (because I am a review whore), but people added this story to their favorites and they watched it so…I **HAD** to give you all a special gift and update it! I shall continue this story indeed!

Oh! Can you guess who the guy is?


	3. My Little Mind is Taking Over!

BP: Sorry it took so long. Seems school is draining more then I though it was going to from me. Oh well, at least you all get a new chapter!!

Disclaimer: I own Nothing.

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**My Little Mind Is Taking Over!**

"Ah…ah…"

Sakura just could not get the words out of her tiny mouth. Those eyes…so strange. They held murder and contentment. Anger and apathy. Regret…guilt….hatred. It seemed to the pinkette every emotion a human being could feel was contained in those swirling, orange eyes.

"Pein, why have you stopped?" An irritated voice sounded directly behind the frightening man. His blue-haired companion had nearly crashed into his back at his sudden halting steps. "It wouldn't hurt for you to give a…warn…ing…" The woman's words broke up as they left her lips, her eyes finally resting on the figure before them

"It seems be have an intruder, Konan." The emotionally emotionless man tilted his head slightly as he looked at the trembling girl before them.

Konan, Sakura figured was the blue-haired woman, sighed in frustration as she pinched the bridge of her nose right between her eyes. "I TOLD Tobi he wasn't allowed to keep any pets…" She ground out.

Sakura sniffled slightly. She was NOT a pet…not in the least was she a pet! She was…uh oh.

Pein tilted his head to the other side this time, aware fully of the strange look that was crossing Sakura's face as she titled side-to-side slightly. It almost made her look like she was dancing. That, or she had to…oh boy.

"Ba…" Sakura's tiny voice tried to squeal out a few words. "Bah…"

"What? What is it that you are trying to say?" Konan grumbled slightly as she looked down at the pinkette, irritation sowed around her eyes. All of a sudden she could remember why she never liked kids in the first place.

"Bathroom! I need to go to the bathroom!" Sakura's large eyes started to burst into large tears. "Someone needs to take me to the bathroom. I can't go alone!"

'_The hell?! I'm not even THINKING that!!' _Sakura's mind screamed. _'Why is my body acting on it's own like this?! My thoughts still comprehend what I know! I can remember basics and laws of physics…but my mouth keeps making a move before I can!!'_

"Oh geez…" Konan rubbed her eyes and turned to face her partner. "Pein, you bet-"

"I have to go now, Konan." Pein's voice was sharp, giving of a tone that said his decision was final. "I believe some of the members are awaiting me in my office. If you'll excuse me then, I shall be on my way." With a short nod of his head and a rustle of a certain robe, the leader of the Akatsuki was seen disappearing down the hallway.

Konan glared at the back of the retreating Pein, now unsure of what she was suppose to do. "Ah…okay. Just calm down little girl and I'll find a place to ta-"

"COTTON CANDY-CHAN!!" A shrill voice echoed through the halls of the lair. Konan stopped dead in her tracks as she looked around, the familiar voice causing her to feel rather weary. Even Sakura, tears still streaming down her face, stopped her loud cries.

It was in that instant that an orange and black blur ran full speed into the small child, causing both of them to fall to the ground. "Oh! Cotton Candy-chan! Tobi was so worried about you! Tobi told all the other members about you, but they said Tobi was crazy! They said Cotton Candy-chan was just another figment of Tobi's imagination! But Tobi knew they were wrong! Tobi knew that you were real!" He paused to squeeze the little girl tightly. "Tobi searched and searched but couldn't find Cotton Candy-chan! After a while Tobi was starting to think that you WERE a part of Tobi's imagination…but you weren't!"

Konan was slightly taken aback now. Not by Tobi's behavior because, as odd as it sounded, that was how he was. She was more taken aback by the look on Sakura's face. One thought ran though the woman's head as she grit her teeth and let out be voiced out. "TOBI! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"

--

A flush was heard as Sakura stepped out from behind one of the impressive oak doors that the hideout was filled with. Her head was lowered as she walked out in her new apparel. "I'm sorry…" She spoke as she folded her arms in front of her mini-Akatsuki robe. _'Am not, CHA!'_

Konan sighed as she leaned against the wall next to her. "It's okay kid. He shouldn't have squeezed you so hard."

Tobi had his own head bowed, having been made to stand in a corner of the room like the 'bad boy he was'. "Konan-san…can Tobi turn around and pet Cotton Candy-chan now? Tobi's been a good boy and has stayed in his corner!" The masked man made to turn around.

"Stop right there Tobi! You still have five minutes in that corner and not one less!" Konan snapped as she watched the defeated Akatsuki member continue to sulk away. _'Geeze…what has the organization come to?' _She though as she slapped a hand across her forehead.

"So…where are we?" Sakura asked, finally taking control of her body again.

"Right now we're in your room." Konan pointed out as she waved one hand around the room. "This is where you will sleep and live until it is fully decided what shall be done with you. For now you are our guest and our prisoner. You are free to stay here and enjoy a restricted amount of luxuries, but go to far or try to leave and you will be killed. Child or not, you are still an enemy until proven otherwise…I'm sorry, I don't believe I caught your name?"

Sakura's face was now pale as she tried to keep her legs steady. First she was told that she could live, then she was told to be careful or she would die…what the hell was she suppose to do?! "Sa-Saku-"

"Cotton Candy-chan!"

"Shut it Tobi! Back to your corner!" Konan pointed at Tobi as he made his way to glomp Sakura again, causing him to stop dead in his tracks. "But-but-but! Konan-san! Tobi did his five minutes already!"

"You did not, Tobi!"

"Did to! Tobi counted!"

"Well you counted wrong!"

"Why doesn't Konan-san want Tobi around Cotton Candy-chan! Are you jealous of Tobi?! Tobi loves everyone!"

"Tobi! Tobi don't come near me!"

Sakura sighed as she opened the door to her room and crept away from the bickering members. She was starting to think that Akatsuki weren't the toughened criminals everyone made them out to be. They seemed more like a bickering family then a group of cold hearted criminals.

"This is almost too easy! Ha, I find it funny that they all are about as dumb as they loo…oook…" Sakura sighed as she closed her eyes, not wanting to open them. "I'm going to open my eyes…and I'm NOT going to be in a room filled with Akatsuki members staring at me…" She opened her eyes to find that her wishes were unanswered.

Indeed, several of the members were sitting in the room they had before. All of them were staring at the pinkette as she stared back, not knowing what to say. Well…one of them did.

"What the fuck?"

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T.T Oh! I am so disappointed with this chapter! I had written it down on a piece of paper before, and when I went to type it out I left it laying somewhere and now I can't find it! It was a lot better written then this was, but…what can you honestly do? I tried to make it from scratch…it just doesn't feel the same…T.T


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